Heaven's Gate

Search the darkness...surge like an ocean
don't scatter yourself like a storm.   by Ghazels
                                                                                  There I was, thinking to shut 
                                                       the gate to Heaven's door.  Instead
another opened in front of me...a new page...a new fury?

Quest for the beloved...retrieving the lost...looking for what I left 
behind; it's a foolish thing to do, you will never find life the way it used to be.  Not to worry, I'll live what I must live now...with gratitude and vengeance.


The flavor of time living in a sea of questions.
I've drowned in a sea of sorrow.
Now I am fuming in flames of fury.

How do I say what needs to be said?
How much living is there left to do?
Each day rings beauty, heavenly is
my day to day breath.

With sunshine in my eyes;
I go to bed and sleep with
the angels who have flown
over me in feathery graces.

I made my living, I loved my God.
Played with my anger, nearly lost 
my mind

and now with what we thought
was true has come to a head
the crossroads to a future that
wouldn't happen for me they
said;  obliges me to conjure up
a life with no energy left to spend.
Maxing out time and again.

But I still like it here God.
No debate, just hanging at
the gate.  It's hard to be 
useful when people forget
one day - this will be their lot
too.

Don't feel bad for anyone.
The circle turns and you get
what's on your plate.  Truly
no more complicated than that
whether you open or close the
gate.

Dedicated to all the 50+HIVers who are living this new era of AIDS.